Co-Parenting with Someone Who Lies About You in Court

“Your Honor, she’s unstable, manipulative, and dangerous. I fear for the children.” 😳

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a statement like this in family court, you know how surreal it can feel—especially when, just a day later, that same person casually texts you run-of-the-mill coparenting request.

It’s almost like you’re dealing with two different people. The disconnect is dizzying.

This comic (from our friends at Coparenting in Captivity) captures a painfully common experience in high-conflict co-parenting: being forced to share parenting duties with someone who is simultaneously trying to destroy your credibility in court:

Why This Is So Disorienting

Family court is inherently adversarial. It was built for winners and losers—plaintiffs and defendants—not collaborative parenting. When one parent weaponizes that system with lies, exaggerations, or manipulative narratives, it doesn’t just hurt your legal case—it shatters your sense of reality.

You might find yourself asking:

• How can someone say I’m “disheveled” and “dangerous” to a judge, then trust me with our kids the next day?
• Why does the court seem to take their words at face value, even when their behavior tells a completely different story?
• Am I going crazy, or is this as contradictory as it seems?

You’re not imagining things. This is cognitive dissonance in real time—being vilified in one setting while expected to collaborate in another.

The Emotional Toll

Being lied about in court isn’t just frustrating. It’s terrifying.

• It undermines your credibility with judges, evaluators, and even professionals like GALs or mediators.
• It can cause self-doubt, especially when the person lying is someone you once trusted—or even loved.
• It often leads to hypervigilance in everyday communication, because you never know what will be twisted or used against you.

And then, amidst all that, you’re still expected to:

• Pack lunches
• Coordinate pickups
• Smile at transitions
• Pretend everything is fine

It’s not fine. And you’re not alone if it feels that way.

How to Protect Yourself and Your Kids

Here are a few ways to stay grounded and safe when you’re co-parenting with someone who misrepresents you in court:

1. Document everything—but do it calmly

Keep your communication in writing. Stay factual, brief, and neutral in tone. Tools like the BestInterest app automatically filter out inflammatory language and help you craft messages that won’t backfire in court.

2. Don’t take the bait

When someone makes false accusations, the natural instinct is to defend yourself emotionally. But in court and communication, overreacting often gets used against you. Stick to the facts. Let your consistency speak louder than their claims.

3. Use parallel parenting where possible

If cooperative co-parenting isn’t working due to lies and manipulation, parallel parenting may be the better route. This approach minimizes direct interaction and sets clear boundaries—especially around communication and decision-making.

4. Validate your experience

You’re not overreacting. You’re not crazy. It’s confusing and painful to deal with someone who says one thing to a judge and another to you. Therapy, support groups, or trauma-informed coaches can be vital in helping you process the emotional whiplash.

The Court Isn’t Built for Healing—But You Can

Family court is a blunt instrument trying to resolve deeply emotional, often traumatic realities. It’s not set up to see nuance, or to understand emotional abuse, gaslighting, or coercive control. That’s why it’s so important to build systems of support outside the courtroom—tools, professionals, and communities who do get it.

At BestInterest, we’re not just building a co-parenting app—we’re building a safe space for people like you. People who are navigating high-conflict dynamics while trying to stay sane, protect their kids, and rebuild their lives.

You’re Not Alone—And You’re Not the Problem

If this comic feels familiar, it’s because thousands of other co-parents are living it too. The contradiction between court accusations and day-to-day parenting isn’t just ironic—it’s emotionally destabilizing. But with the right boundaries, tools, and support, you can reclaim your peace.

Ready for less conflict? The BestInterest coparent app is endorsed by family law experts and trusted by coparents just like you.

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