Stop Using Your Attorney as a Therapist

How the Right Support Team Saves You Money and Sanity

Have you ever found yourself venting to your attorney about your ex’s latest antics, only to realize later that you just paid hundreds of dollars for emotional support? You’re not alone. Many co-parents—especially those navigating high-conflict situations—end up misusing their attorney as a therapist, coach, or even a friend.

But here’s the hard truth: your attorney is the most expensive and least effective person to provide emotional support.

Building the right support team can not only save you thousands of dollars but also help you make better legal decisions, reduce stress, and protect your peace of mind. Let’s break it down.

How Co-Parents Misuse Their Attorneys for Emotional Support

Attorneys are legal professionals trained to navigate court procedures, argue on your behalf, and protect your rights—not to help you process emotions, trauma, or relationship wounds. Yet, many co-parents unknowingly lean on their attorney in ways that drive up costs and slow down progress.

Here are some common ways co-parents misuse their attorneys:

• Venting About Their Ex: Sharing the latest frustrating text message or recounting years of mistreatment. You don’t need to get them “on your side” – you’re paying them to be on your side.
• Asking for Emotional Reassurance: Looking for validation that they’re doing the right thing, even when the issue isn’t legal.
• Seeking Parenting Advice: Asking about how to handle custody exchanges, communication struggles, or parenting conflicts—areas where a parenting coach or therapist would be more helpful.
• Using Them as a Mediator: Expecting the attorney to constantly step in and manage communication between co-parents rather than focusing on legal disputes.
• Calling for Every Small Issue: Panicking over every upsetting interaction rather than assessing what truly requires legal intervention.

While attorneys want to support their clients, they aren’t trained mental health professionals and often lack the skills needed to support their clients’ emotional needs. It’s like using a screwdriver to drive a nail into a wall. It sort of works, but it’s not very efficient, and not very fun for you (or the screwdriver).

Why This Approach is Costing You More Than You Think

It’s a common misconception for co-parents to resist hiring “yet another professional” that will cost them more money. They think that hiring a coach for $150/hour, an attorney for $500/hr, and a therapist for $200/hr, they will end up spending $850/hr! This isn’t the right way to look at things.

If you’re paying an attorney $300–$600 per hour, every emotional check-in or vent session is draining your wallet. A five-minute vent about your ex? That’s $50+. A half-hour session to process your frustration? That’s $150–$300 gone.

Beyond the financial impact, leaning on your attorney for emotional support can:

• Slow down your case by filling legal consultations with non-legal discussions.
• Prevent strategic decision-making if emotions cloud legal choices.
• Lead to unnecessary legal battles when emotions, rather than legal strategy, drive actions.
• Frustrate your attorney. Legal professionals know their limitations more than anyone, and they aren’t in the business of misusing your time on trivial things. They prefer when you use their highly specialized training to work for you.

Who You Should Be Turning to Instead

Instead of relying on your attorney for support they aren’t equipped to provide, build a well-rounded support team where each professional plays their role effectively.

1. Therapist or Counselor (Emotional and Mental Health Support)

• Helps process grief, anger, and anxiety related to co-parenting and divorce.
• Guides you in managing emotional triggers and reducing stress.
• Provides tools to break old patterns and set healthier boundaries.
• But: therapists can’t give legal advice or be available 24/7

2. Co-Parenting Coach or Divorce Coach (Parenting and Communication Support)

• Helps navigate communication challenges with your co-parent.
• Provides practical tools for parallel parenting, boundary-setting, and custody transitions.
• Prepares you to handle co-parenting conflicts without escalating to court.
• Often experienced in emotional spaceholding and armed with tips on self-regulation
• Often make themselves available 24/7 for communication consultation
• But: they typically don’t have credentials or formal training, so be sure to work with a therapist for emotional work.

3. Financial Professional (Money Management and Settlement Planning)

• Helps navigate the financial implications of your divorce and custody arrangements.
• Guides you in structuring child support, alimony, and asset division wisely.
• But: financial professionals aren’t trained on emotional support

4. Trusted Friends or Support Groups (Emotional Validation and Peer Support)

• Allows you to vent in a free, low-stakes environment.
• Helps you feel heard and supported without running up a bill.
• Offers shared experiences that can make you feel less alone.
• Helps you feel “seen”.
• But: friends don’t usually give great legal advice and tend to be the kind of support that can keep you trapped in your victimhood.

Ready for less conflict? The BestInterest coparent app is endorsed by family law experts and trusted by coparents just like you.

By leaning on the right professionals for the right needs, you keep your attorney focused on the legal strategy while ensuring you get the best support elsewhere.

How This Saves You Money (and Your Sanity)

When each professional handles what they’re best at, you avoid paying premium legal rates for non-legal support. Here’s how it adds up:

• Replacing just one hour of venting with a therapist instead of an attorney could save you $200–$400.
• Using a co-parenting coach for communication support instead of legal intervention could save you thousands in unnecessary court battles.
• Having a trusted support system prevents reactionary legal decisions, keeping you in control of your case.

The more efficiently you use your team, the less drawn-out and expensive your legal battle becomes.

Final Thoughts: Keep Your Attorney Focused on Legal Wins

Your attorney is there to protect your legal interests—not to be your therapist, coach, or best friend. By building the right support network, you not only save money but also ensure you’re getting the right kind of help when you need it.

If you find yourself tempted to unload your emotions on your lawyer, pause. Could this be better handled by a therapist, coach, or friend? Keeping your attorney focused on legal matters empowers you to move through your co-parenting journey with clarity, strength, and financial wisdom.

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