Breaking Free From the Narcissism Trap

Hi, I’m Sol, the founder of BestInterest.

As a fellow coparent, I’ve been through the highs and lows of coparenting, and I understand just how emotionally draining it can be – especially when your coparent is a narcissist. Coparenting with a narcissist can feel like being trapped in an endless cycle of conflict, where no matter how much you try to keep the peace, things just seem to escalate.

Recently, I watched a powerful video about narcissism by Dr. Ramani Durvasula—an expert in high-conflict relationships and one of our advisors at BestInterest—that hit home on this exact issue. In this helpful video, Dr. Ramani outlines what happens when you start changing how you respond to a narcissist. When you stop reacting emotionally, she says, the narcissist often responds by escalating their behavior, creating even more drama. It’s their way of testing you, seeing if they can still get a reaction out of you. Yikes!

This dynamic can feel like an impossible trap. You’re trying to detach and focus on what matters—your kids—but the less reactive you become, the more erratic they get. As Dr. Ramani puts it, “They’re always testing.”

The Trap of Emotional Manipulation

When you’re coparenting with a narcissist, the moment you try to dial down the emotional responses—choosing to respond with logic, calmness, or even detachment—their behavior often becomes more outrageous. Grey rock, JADE, these high conflict communication techniques are designed to help you break free of their control, but they can be difficult to implement reliably and consistently. They want to drag you back into the conflict because, for a narcissist, control and chaos are their tools.

And the worst part is, you can’t go no-contact when you have children together. You’re stuck in this tangled web of having to engage in some way because you both need to raise your kids, communicate, and make decisions together. Even the courts, in an attempt to do the right thing, often end up siding with the emotional abuser and placing requirements on how often you respond.

This is where the BestInterest app is a game-changer. We built BestInterest precisely for these difficult dynamics—where communication is unavoidable, but the emotional manipulation is constant.

“BestInterest helps reduce the emotional toll of coparenting with a narcissist.”
Sol, Founder of BestInterest

Responding Less, Staying Sane

One of the challenges in coparenting with a narcissist is staying calm while they’re trying to provoke you. Dr. Ramani explains that narcissists often escalate their behavior when they feel they’re losing control or seeing you change your responses, and it’s essential to understand that this escalation is a test. They’re trying to see if they can still get under your skin. When you stop feeding their need for emotional drama, they’ll often try harder to get that reaction.

This is where BestInterest’s AI-powered messaging system plays a crucial role. By filtering out harmful or emotionally charged content, we help you focus on the important, child-centered aspects of your communication. We strip out all that isn’t child focused, without requiring the narcissist to change at all (because they won’t). It removes the need to engage with toxic messages that are designed to provoke you. You’ll see what’s necessary to coparent effectively, without getting pulled into their emotional traps.

Creating Space for Peace

Dr. Ramani’s idea of a “Narcissism GPS” really resonates with me. We all need a guide, something to help us navigate this incredibly tricky terrain. That’s what I hope BestInterest can be. Not only does the app filter messages, but it also offers real-time feedback on how to respond – to stay out of conflict. It’s like having a coach on your side, helping you stay calm, focused, and in control of your emotional responses.

When you’re coparenting with a narcissist, it’s easy to feel like there’s no escape. You’re stuck communicating with someone who thrives on conflict, and even when you try to step away emotionally, they pull you back in. But by using a top coparenting app like BestInterest, you can start to create space for peace—not by cutting off communication, but by changing the way you engage. You can protect your emotional well-being and stay focused on what matters most: your children.

As Dr. Ramani says, it’s all about understanding the patterns of narcissistic behavior and breaking free from the emotional traps they set. With BestInterest, our goal is to give you the tools to do just that.