Top Mistakes and Conflict Areas in Parenting Plans

Hello Fellow Coparent,

Creating a parenting plan is a critical step in the coparenting journey. However, it’s easy to fall into certain traps that can lead to conflicts down the road. Let’s look at some common mistakes and areas of contention in parenting plans, and how to avoid them.

The key to remember here is that you never know what your relationship will look like several years from now. Hopefully the tensions will ease and you work together well, but often even well-meaning parents have reactions when new partners come into the picture and other conflicts arise. This is especially true if your coparenting situation turns high-conflict.

Having a well-written parenting plan can help keep things running smoothly. Here are the top mistakes that coparents make when writing their parenting plans:

Top 8 Mistakes Made in Parenting Plans:

1. Vague Schedules and Guidelines

• The Mistake: Not being specific about schedules and guidelines. Vagueness can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements.
• The Solution: Be as detailed as possible. Include specifics about pick-up and drop-off times, holiday schedules, visitation schedules, and any other routines. Cover what happens when kids are sick, school is closed, etc to make sure that all your bases are covered. Always set a specific time for exchanges.

2. Not Considering Future Changes

• The Mistake: Creating a plan that only works for the current age of your children, without considering future needs and changes.
• The Solution: Develop a plan that is flexible and can evolve as your children grow. Consider different arrangements for different stages of their lives. For example, if your children are very young, be sure to write the plan to adapt to when they are in school.

3. Lack of Communication Guidelines

• The Mistake: Not establishing how, when, and how often you will communicate with each other.
• The Solution: Coparenting communication is one of the largest points of conflict in any coparenting relationship. Set clear communication protocols. Decide on the preferred method (e.g., email, text) and frequency of communication. What in-person communication is allowed (such as during exchanges), versus what should be in writing? Consider using a coparenting communication app like BestInterest to ease communication across the ups and downs of coparenting.

4. Overlooking Financial Responsibilities

• The Mistake: Failing to clearly define financial responsibilities can lead to major disputes.
• The Solution: Detail who is responsible for what expenses, how child support will be handled, and set up a system for tracking and sharing costs.

5. Not Allowing Personal Time for Each Parent

• The Mistake: Not considering each parent’s need for personal time can lead to burnout and resentment.
• The Solution: Ensure that the parenting plan allows each parent some personal time. Balance is key for everyone’s well-being.

6. Not Planning for Special Occasions

• The Mistake: Forgetting to plan for birthdays, holidays, and special family events.
• The Solution: Discuss and agree on how special days will be handled, including children’s birthdays, parent’s birthdays, holidays, and other significant events. If you are splitting holidays, is visitation optional or required?

7. Inflexibility

• The Mistake: Being too rigid in the parenting plan.
• The Solution: While consistency is important, allow for some flexibility to accommodate unexpected events or changes in circumstances.

8. Forgetting to Review and Update the Plan

• The Mistake: Not revisiting the parenting plan regularly.
• The Solution: Set a schedule to review the parenting plan periodically and make adjustments as needed. If working with a coparenting therapist, consider setting up a regular meeting with them to check in on any updates that are needed.

Conclusion

A well-thought-out parenting plan is a cornerstone of successful coparenting. By avoiding these common mistakes and addressing potential areas of conflict, you can create a framework that supports both your children’s needs and your ability to coparent effectively. For more advice on crafting a great parenting plan, Key Elements in a Parenting Plan and Advice for Parenting Plans for High Conflict.

Remember, the goal is to provide a stable, loving environment for your kids, no matter the structure of your family.

Ready for less conflict? The BestInterest coparent app is endorsed by family law experts and trusted by coparents just like you.

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