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I sat down with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, a renowned developmental psychologist specializing in parental alienation and psychological maltreatment of children, for the latest episode of Coparenting Beyond Conflict. With a Ph.D. in developmental psychology from Teachers College of Columbia University, and a career that includes serving as Director of Research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child Protection, Dr. Baker has become one of the most recognized experts in parental alienation in the world.
Dr. Baker is the author or co-author of 10 books, including Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind, Coparenting with a Toxic Ex (a Norton Professional Book), and Surviving Parental Alienation. She has also written more than 120 academic articles on topics related to children’s well-being, child welfare, and psychological maltreatment of children. Her research is widely cited by family law professionals, therapists, and mental health professionals working to protect children and families in high-conflict custody battles.
In our conversation, we explored what parental alienation is, how to recognize the signs in an alienated child, and what both parents and professionals can do to prevent long-term damage to the parent-child relationship.
How Dr. Amy J.L. Baker Became a Leading Voice in Parental Alienation
When I asked Dr. Baker how she entered this field, she explained that her early research on parent-child relationships led her to a study on parental alienation. Unlike her other projects, which simply sat on academic library shelves, this study drew an immediate and emotional response from targeted parents. Families reached out with stories, questions, and pleas for more research.
As she explained in our episode:
“This was the topic that took over my career. I didn’t plan it, but it’s the thing I spend the most time thinking about, worrying about, and being invested in.”
That work led to her landmark book, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, and ultimately established her as a recognized expert in parental alienation across both academia and family law.
Dr. Amy Baker Defines Parental Alienation
Dr. Baker described parental alienation as:
“A family dynamic in which one parent engages in alienating behaviors that foster a child’s unjustified rejection of the other parent.”
She emphasized the difference between alienation and estrangement. If a parent has abused, neglected, or abandoned a child, rejection is justified — that is estrangement. Alienation, however, happens when a child rejects a parent without legitimate cause, usually as a result of the other parent’s influence.
She noted that researchers have identified 17 primary alienation behaviors. These include badmouthing, limiting contact, undermining authority, and eroding trust. For parents worried about their own actions, she encouraged checking the list and reflecting: “Am I doing any of these things? And if so, is there a better way to respond to my child?”
The Hidden Impact on Alienated Children and Families
Drawing on both her research and decades of case consultation, Dr. Baker explained that alienated children often show consistent patterns, such as:
- A loss of trust in the targeted parent.
- A lack of ambivalence, seeing one parent as all good and the other as all bad.
- Spread of animosity to grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins of the rejected parent.
She credited Richard Gardner’s early work in identifying these child behaviors, noting that while parental alienation syndrome is no longer a formal diagnosis, the effects of parental alienation are profound. Research shows alienated children may grow into adult alienated children with struggles around identity, attachment, and relationships with abusive caregivers.
“Short of the death of a child, it is the most painful thing a parent could go through,” Dr. Baker reflected.
Amy J.L. Baker’s Practical Advice to Targeted Parents
Throughout our interview, Dr. Baker offered concrete advice for parents facing alienation:
- Always show up – Even if your child resists, document your parenting time and let the courts decide.
- Avoid reactive behavior – Don’t argue or attack your child. Instead, respond with curiosity and love.
- Correct distortions gently – If a child says, “Mommy says you’re no good,” avoid counterattacks. Instead, invite conversation: “What does being mean mean to you? I want to know if I ever hurt your feelings.”
- Maintain consistent connection – Even if ignored, keep sending loving texts or gestures. As Baker shared, many children later say they cherished those unseen efforts.
She described her coaching for targeted parents as focused on building resilience, reducing reactive patterns, and showing up as a safe, loving, and available parent.
Dr. Amy J.L. Baker’s Contributions to Child Welfare and Family Law
Beyond her coaching, Dr. Baker’s influence extends across research and professional training. She has presented to bar associations, the AFCC–New York Bar Association Joint Conference, and at the Midwest Family Law Conference. Her publications in the American Journal of Family Therapy and Journal of Child and Family Studies provide evidence-based insights for legal and mental health professionals.
Her books with Norton (Coparenting with a Toxic Ex, Restoring Family Connections) and Columbia University Press (Understanding Parental Alienation) remain essential resources for both parents and practitioners.
For professionals, she offers case consultation, telephone coaching, and academic articles on topics related to children’s well-being. As she explained, “Helping one mental health professional also helps all of their future clients.”
Messages of Hope from Dr. Amy J.L. Baker
While acknowledging the immense pain of alienation, Dr. Baker ended our episode on a hopeful note. She has seen children spontaneously reconcile with parents, even after years of estrangement.
She compared the process to planting a bulb in winter:
“Even though you can’t see anything, you keep watering and nurturing. In spring, it blooms.”
Her encouragement to targeted parents is clear: don’t drown in disappointment. Each text, each gesture of love, each calm response matters, even if your child doesn’t acknowledge it at the time.
Listen to the Full Episode
This episode of Coparenting Beyond Conflict with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker is packed with expert insights on dealing with parental alienation, protecting the parent-child relationship, and finding resilience in the hardest of parenting circumstances.
Or watch it now:
How BestInterest Can Help
Navigating parental alienation is an emotionally taxing experience, but structured tools can help mitigate conflict and rebuild trust. The BestInterest co-parenting app provides:
- Filtered communication to prevent manipulative messaging from an alienating parent.
- Secure documentation of all interactions, which can be used in custody cases and family court.
- Parallel parenting tools to help minimize conflict while protecting the child’s best interests.
- Coaching and support to help targeted parents navigate alienation-related challenges.
If you’re facing parental alienation, seeking support and guidance from professionals and support groups is essential. Parenting responsibilities should never be weaponized, and every child deserves a healthy, loving relationship with both parents. By recognizing parental alienation as a form of emotional manipulation, advocating for legal protections, and using structured co-parenting tools, parents can take meaningful steps toward protecting their children and restoring their parent-child bond.
Ready for less conflict? The BestInterest coparent app is endorsed by family law experts and trusted by coparents just like you.
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