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Why Christina McGhee Believes Children Should Always Come First
When you’re going through a divorce, it’s easy to get swept up in conflict with your co-parent. But as divorce parenting expert Christina McGhee explains, the way you handle yourself in these moments can have a lifelong impact on your children.
When I sat down with Christina, internationally recognized divorce parenting expert and author of Parenting Apart, we had a powerful conversation about what it really means to keep kids at the center—not in the middle—of divorce. Christina and I talked about setting boundaries without guilt, letting go of what you can’t control, and why the small, consistent moments you create with your children often matter more than getting everything “right.”
Whether you’re in the thick of a high-conflict co-parenting relationship or just want to better understand your child’s perspective, this episode is full of practical advice, hope, and clarity. I encourage you to listen to the full conversation for the stories, examples, and insights we couldn’t fit into this recap.
The Power of Shifting Your Focus in a Co-Parenting Relationship
Most parents in a high-conflict co-parenting relationship put all their energy into controlling what the other parent does. Christina’s advice is to do the opposite—turn inward.
“At any given moment, you have no control over how your co-parent characterizes you or what they accuse you of. But you can always control how you show up and how you respond.”
That shift can be life-changing. Calm, grounded, consistent parents raise resilient kids—even if the other parent isn’t on the same page.
Your North Star: Guiding Principles for Parenting Apart
One of Christina’s most effective tools is using a guiding principle—a short, values-based statement you can return to when tensions rise. This is especially powerful in high-conflict parenting apart situations.
It might be as simple as:
“We will always be parents. My intention is to support my children in having a good relationship with each parent and to minimize conflict to the best of my ability.”
Christina even developed a training program and GPT-powered tool to help parents craft theirs. She recommends printing it and placing it somewhere visible—on the fridge, next to your favorite photo of your child, or as your phone screensaver—so your values are always top of mind.
How to Talk to Kids About Divorce Without Weighing Them Down
Christina’s approach to how you talk to kids about divorce is to frame it as a change in the family, not the end of it. That means:
- Reassuring them you will always be their parents.
- Letting them know they don’t have to take sides.
- Normalizing their feelings—even the wish for you to get back together.
Her work on the Split documentary offers a rare window into how divorce truly impacts kids, often in ways parents never see. “There are so many things kids navigate behind the scenes that don’t make it onto our parenting radar,” she says.
Small, Consistent Moments Matter More Than Big Gestures
You don’t need an elaborate plan or a big budget to help your child of divorce feel loved. Christina’s mantra: “You don’t need to turn yourself inside out to create meaningful moments for your kids.”
These can be simple rituals:
- Reading a story at bedtime.
- Walking the dog together after school.
- Turning family dinner into something playful, like eating dessert first.
The goal is presence, not perfection. These small points of connection tell your child, “You matter, and I’m here.”
Parallel Parenting: Protecting Kids in High-Conflict Situations
Sometimes, the best way to help parents and protect children is to reduce direct interaction between households. Christina calls this parallel parenting—each parent runs their home like an independent “island,” minimizing opportunities for conflict.
It’s not forever. Many families move from parallel to more collaborative co-parenting over time. But in volatile situations, it can give children the stability they need right now.
And remember, as Christina says: “It only takes one parent to show up calm, predictable, and nurturing for kids to do remarkably well.”
Boundaries Without Guilt: Co-Parenting With Purpose
Setting boundaries is one of the hardest parts of co-parenting with purpose, especially when your co-parent pushes back. Christina recommends:
- Defining your limits based on your values.
- Asking yourself, How will this choice make things better for my child?
- Letting go of the need to correct every misrepresentation or accusation.
Boundaries aren’t about winning—they’re about protecting your peace and your child’s stability.
The Circle of Support: Why You Shouldn’t Do This Alone
Feeling overwhelmed? Christina stresses that you can’t navigate this journey in isolation. Your circle of support might include:
- A divorce coach or mediator.
- Friends who won’t fuel the conflict.
- Books, podcasts, and articles by Christina for steady perspective.
Her free co-parenting resource guide at Divorce and Children includes book lists for kids and parents, conflict resolution tools, and app recommendations for better communication.
Children First: The Long View of Co-Parenting
Christina’s parting wisdom is deceptively simple: “Sometimes the best you can do is not make it worse.”
By keeping children first—even in the face of conflict—you model self-control, empathy, and resilience. Years from now, your kids will remember that you stayed steady, even when it wasn’t easy.
That’s the kind of practical advice that helps kids cope with divorce and grow into confident, secure adults.
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