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Divorce is one of life’s most challenging transitions, especially when children are involved. On a recent episode of the Coparenting Beyond Conflict podcast, I welcomed Jill Barnett Kaufman—licensed therapist, divorce coach, mediator, and co-parenting expert—to share her wealth of knowledge. Jill’s personal experience of navigating a difficult divorce informs her mission to guide others through the process with less stress, more confidence, and a greater sense of peace.
Here are some of the key takeaways from our conversation:
Reframing Co-Parenting: From Spouses to Colleagues
One of the most profound shifts Jill highlighted was the need to reframe your relationship with your ex-spouse.
“You’re going from being a married couple to being separate individual parents who need to co-parent and communicate, but you don’t have to agree on everything,” Jill explained. “It’s more like becoming colleagues or coworkers—supporting the kids together, but from a non-entangled way.”
This perspective helps create boundaries, minimize conflict, and foster a healthier environment for children.
The Importance of Respect and Collaboration
Jill emphasized that while co-parents don’t have to align on every detail of parenting, respect is essential for navigating significant decisions.
“Each of you are the only people who love your children this much,” Jill shared. “When you come together for the big things—like medical issues or discipline—it’s so much more powerful. Your children benefit when you parent as a team.”
Her personal anecdote about co-disciplining her son with her ex underscored the impact of mutual respect, even in high-conflict situations.
Communication Strategies for High-Conflict Co-Parents
For those co-parenting with a high-conflict individual, Jill recommended the BIFF method developed by Bill Eddy. This approach encourages responses that are Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm—a structure designed to lower conflict and keep communication productive.
“Friendly is so important,” Jill stressed. “Pick something positive they’ve done and say please and thank you. This helps de-escalate the situation.”
BestInterest can support co-parents by filtering communication, helping users craft thoughtful responses that prioritize clarity and boundaries.
Supporting Children Through Divorce
Divorce impacts children profoundly, and Jill underscored the importance of listening to their feelings without trying to “fix” them.
“When you try to solve their worries, you stop them from expressing their emotions,” she explained. “Instead, focus on validating their feelings and encouraging open communication.”
She also advised parents to avoid involving children in conflicts or sharing unnecessary details about legal or financial struggles, as this can increase their anxiety.
When Parallel Parenting Is the Best Option
Not every co-parenting relationship allows for collaboration. In cases where one parent is highly antagonistic or undermining, Jill recommended parallel parenting—maintaining separate parenting styles with minimal communication.
“It’s about minimizing conflict and creating peace for the children,” Jill noted. “Using tools like co-parenting apps can help ensure communication is limited to essentials.”
Advice for Blended Families
For parents considering remarriage, Jill’s advice was clear: take your time.
“You don’t truly know someone until at least a year and a half of dating,” she said. “There’s no rush—focus on healing and understanding the dynamics of blending families before making that commitment.”
Jill’s compassionate insights offered listeners a roadmap to navigate the complexities of divorce and co-parenting with clarity and grace. Her parting advice:
“Give yourself credit for making tough decisions. Your children will thrive with two happy households rather than one unhappy one.”
Explore More
For additional tips and tools, visit Jill’s website at divorcecoachjill.com. Join her Facebook group, Separation and Divorce Support Community, or follow her on Instagram at @DivorceCoachJill.
Ready for less conflict? The BestInterest coparent app is endorsed by family law experts and trusted by coparents just like you.
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