Legal Abuse in Family Court: How Abusers Weaponize the System

Leaving an abusive relationship is supposed to bring relief, but for many survivors, the abuse doesn’t stop—it simply moves into the legal system. This is known as litigation abuse, a form of post-separation abuse where an abusive partner misuses the court system to continue a pattern of power and control. This can occur in high-conflict divorce cases, child custody battles, and other family law disputes, where the abuser may file frivolous lawsuits, demand excessive court hearings, and use whatever methods they can to maintain control.

Many judges or individuals in the legal system do not understand the dynamics of power and control in abusive relationships, making it challenging to deal with an abusive partner who misuses the court system. Survivors face significant legal expenses, lost wages, and emotional distress due to ongoing abusive litigation.

What Does Legal Abuse Look Like?

Legal abuse takes many forms in family court. Here are the most common tactics used by an abusive partner to continue to abuse and harass their ex:

1. Filing Frivolous Motions to Drain Resources

• A party who files meaningless motions forces their ex to respond, racking up attorney’s fees and causing unnecessary stress.
• This form of legal bullying can lead to financial devastation, especially when the survivor has already spent significant money on legal representation.

2. Using Excessive Motions and Delays to Maintain Contact

• Requesting many adjournments, serving inappropriate demands, and forcing court appearances are ways that an abusive partner misuses the court to stay in their ex’s life.
• Survivors who left the relationship hoping for peace often find themselves trapped in endless litigation.

3. Weaponizing the Discovery Process

• The discovery process allows parties before trial to obtain information, but abusers use it to harass their ex by requesting irrelevant information or serving excessive subpoenas.
• The process itself is complex, time-consuming, and is primarily outside of the court purview. An abusive litigator can compel you to produce decades worth of documents (or even send subpoenas of the same), and if you don’t reply to their satisfaction, force you back to court.
• Typically there is no burden of proof to start the divorce process, simply a pending motion regarding support.
• Some abusive partners know that asking the judge to allow discovery on unrelated matters forces their ex to spend time and money gathering unnecessary documents.

4. Filing Emergency Motions to Disrupt Stability

• Many abusers may file fake emergency motions before important events (holidays, vacations, or school deadlines) to create chaos and distress.
• This is often done in high-conflict custody cases to manipulate the judge into issuing unfair temporary orders before the truth comes out.
• Many bulldog attorneys will purposefully file motions at the very last minute (sometimes even at 4:30 PM on a Friday) to increase stress.

5. Using the Court System to Control Finances

• An abusive partner misuses the court system by refusing to pay court-ordered support, dragging out asset division, or forcing their ex to pay legal expenses caused by ongoing abusive litigation.
• Some even refuse to comply with financial disclosures, making it harder to reach a fair settlement in divorce cases.

6. Dragging Out Litigation to Exhaust the Other Party

• Litigation abuse is one way an abuser keeps their ex engaged in the legal process, even years after a separation.
• Some file a motion every time they want to cause stress, knowing that the court system moves slowly and responding requires time and money.

7. Making False Allegations to Gain the Upper Hand

• Filing false reports of domestic violence or child abuse is one way abusers try to gain an advantage in court.
• Many survivors face unjust custody battles because their abuser successfully manipulates the legal system against them.
• The burden of proof in family court often falls on the accused.

8. Requesting Excessive Psychological Evaluations

• In high-conflict divorce cases, some abusers will request unnecessary psychological evaluations to paint their ex as unstable.
• These evaluations are expensive, invasive, and often delay the legal proceedings, putting additional stress on the survivor.

How to Protect Yourself from Litigation Abuse

While abusive litigation is difficult to stop, there are strategies survivors can use to navigate the legal system effectively:

1. Work with a Lawyer Who Understands Abusive Litigation

• An experienced lawyer can walk you through strategies to counteract these abusive tactics.
• Some survivors may qualify for pro bono legal representation through certified domestic violence organizations.
• Some co-parenting coaches advocate for self-representation as a means of limiting the financial damage of abusive litigation, though this decision should not be taken lightly. Many states provide free legal services for self-represented litigants.

2. Document Everything

• Keep detailed records of motions or petitions filed against you.
• Judges often don’t see the full picture, so clear documentation can help show a pattern of abusive litigation.

3. Ask the Judge for Sanctions Against Frivolous Filings

• Some states have specific laws against abusive litigation, allowing survivors to request sanctions against an ex who repeatedly files frivolous lawsuits. Most commonly though, these awarded sanctions are not for meaningful amounts.

4. Minimize Direct Contact with Your Abuser

• If your ex uses electronic means to harass you, set boundaries through court-monitored communication tools.
• The family court system may allow you to restrict communication to written messages only.

5. Have a Safety Plan

• If your ex is using the court system as another means to intimidate you, a safety plan is crucial.
• Work with a domestic violence advocate who understands how the legal process can be weaponized against survivors.

6. Seek Emotional and Financial Support

• Consider seeking financial relief from the court for expenses caused by abusive litigation.
• Look for support groups or legal aid organizations that can help you navigate litigation abuse without going broke.

Final Thoughts: The Legal System Must Do Better

Many judges or individuals in the legal system do not understand the dynamics of power and control in abusive relationships. Survivors of domestic abuse often struggle to get fair treatment in family court, especially when facing an abusive partner who misuses the court system.

While abusive litigation remains a powerful tool for those who seek to maintain power and control, survivors can fight back by working with knowledgeable attorneys, documenting the abuse, and requesting legal protections. The court system must recognize litigation abuse for what it is—a continuation of domestic abuse through legal means.

While courts have the legal authority to levy fines or sanctions for inappropriate conduct, they often lack the ability to help you collect those fees. Further, it is well publicized that most judges are reticent to award fees, and if they do, capping them at laughingly small amounts like $999. If bulldog attorneys knew they could face disbarment or meaningful sanctions for inappropriate conduct, these games would not succeed.

If you or someone you know is facing litigation abuse, reach out to legal professionals or advocacy groups that specialize in family law and post-separation abuse. You are not alone, and with the right strategy, you can reclaim your peace and protect your rights.

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