Should You Hire A “Bulldog” Attorney as Your Divorce Advocate?

The attorney you choose can significantly impact the outcome of your divorce case, custody battle, and overall experience. Many people seek out a bulldog attorney, believing an aggressive lawyer will fight harder for their interests. However, this approach can lead to unnecessary conflict, skyrocketing legal fees, and emotional distress.

Many coparents initially make the mistake of opting for aggressive, “bulldog” lawyers, believing they will fight harder for their interests, when these lawyers universally favor their own interests. This mistaken approach often leads to unnecessary conflict, higher legal fees, and emotional distress. Your bull dog becomes a nightmare.

Work long enough in the field, and you discover that clients choose attorneys who mirror their personalities over time. Bullies hire bullies. However, over time, those who decided on bulldog attorneys initially but are more inclined toward wanting peace will discover that the bulldog lawyer is working against them to create more drama and conflict. Those clients end up finding new attorneys that fit their intentions better.

This article explores why a more balanced and strategic divorce attorney is your best bet, even if your co-parent initially opts for a more aggressive legal representative.

People Choose Lawyers Who Mirror Their Personalities

It’s natural for individuals to gravitate toward attorneys who reflect their demeanor and approach to conflict. If you’re someone who confronts issues head-on, you may feel more comfortable hiring an attorney who exhibits the same assertiveness.

Conversely, those who are more reserved may prefer an attorney who takes a more strategic and composed approach. This selection bias often happens unconsciously, shaping the type of legal counsel people seek out.

Additionally, attorneys often tailor their marketing strategies to attract specific clients. A bulldog divorce lawyer, for example, may appeal to those looking for aggressive litigation or to “get even” with their ex, even when mediation could provide a more effective resolution.

The Pitfalls of Choosing a Bulldog Lawyer

Increased Conflict and Emotional Stress

Aggressive attorneys often escalate conflicts rather than resolve them. This can lead to prolonged litigation, making custody disputes more stressful for you and your children. High-conflict litigation can also create long-term animosity, making future co-parenting even more challenging.

Higher Legal Fees

Bulldog divorce lawyers are relentless, but their aggressive tactics often translate into more billable hours, costing their clients thousands of dollars in legal fees. When fighting in court, you’re depleting both your and your co-parent’s financial resources, impacting child support and visitation agreements. If your case proceeds to trial, litigation costs can become astronomical.

Potential for Abuse

A lawyer who thrives on conflict may turn their harsh tactics on you. Some attorneys pressure their clients into unnecessary litigation, prioritizing their own financial gain over your best interests. If an attorney is more concerned with attacking the opposing counsel rather than focusing on resolution, they may be putting their paycheck before your case outcome.

Judges Don’t Favor Over-Litigation

Family court judges don’t look favorably on attorneys who create conflict just to drive up their billing hours. If an attorney frequently files unnecessary motions or attacks the opposing counsel, they may damage their client’s credibility, leading to a less favorable outcome. Judges prefer to see parties working toward a resolution rather than engaging in excessive legal battles. You’ll rarely meet a judge who openly takes sides, but in this industry, reputation is everything.

Bulldog Lawyers Often Lack Competence

A lawyer who markets themselves as a “bulldog attorney” often uses aggressive tactics to mask a lack of legal expertise. In other words, just a bully. Attorneys who rely on litigation over mediation or settlement strategies may not be the best equipped to handle your custody case effectively. A competent family law attorney understands that aggressive courtroom battles are not always in their client’s best interest.

How to Identify a Bad Attorney

Sometimes, it’s hard to know if an attorney is, in fact, a bulldog or a competent litigator who can get you the outcome you want. Here are some signs that the attorney you’re considering is a bulldog or bully lawyer:

Knee-Jerk Litigator – A bad attorney immediately pushes for courtroom battles instead of exploring mediation or settlements, causing unnecessary conflict and skyrocketing legal fees.
Antagonistic Tactics – If an attorney is more focused on attacking the opposing counsel than finding a resolution, they are likely prioritizing their own ego over your best interests.
Track Record of Overcharging – Beware of attorneys who seem to push for unnecessary motions and prolonged litigation, draining their clients of thousands of dollars without meaningful progress. Bully lawyers tend to bully their own clients – especially around billable hours.
Excessive Aggression – While assertiveness can be protective, an overly aggressive attorney may damage your credibility in court, making it harder to achieve a fair custody or divorce settlement.

Questions to Ask to Determine if an Attorney is Strategic or a Bulldog

During your initial consultation appointment or phone call with an attorney you want to hire, consider asking these questions:

How do you typically approach family law cases? – A strategic attorney will emphasize resolution, while a bulldog lawyer may focus on litigation and often reference “winning”. You may even find them bragging about how often they “win”, or complain about “that one” case they lost.
What percentage of your cases go to trial? – A high trial rate may indicate an attorney who avoids settlement, which can drive up costs.
How do you handle communication with opposing counsel? – A strategic attorney will prioritize professionalism and problem-solving, while a bulldog may lean into hostility. Be mindful that bulldog attorneys know how to conduct a sales pitch – they may pay lip service to problem-solving, but if you’re in doubt, ask for details.
What is your approach to child custody disputes? – A good lawyer should emphasize the child’s best interests rather than fighting for leverage.
Do you recommend mediation or negotiation before litigation? – A preference for alternative dispute resolution suggests a balanced approach. Ask them about cases where they settled and when they typically push for settlement.
How do you ensure your legal strategy aligns with my long-term goals? – A strong attorney will work with you to achieve sustainable outcomes rather than short-term victories.
How often have you litigated in my county? – Most competent attorneys will only accept cases where they have strong relationships. Be wary of attorneys who serve multiple counties, as that typically indicates that they haven’t developed good relationships with the clerk and judges in your county. As each county has different rules and policies, an attorney that serves many different counties may not be up-to-date on the rules and regulations of your jurisdiction, which can waste your money and also cost you dearly in court.

High-Conflict Co-Parenting: Navigating Aggressive Legal Dynamics

High-conflict co-parenting requires deliberate strategies and thoughtful legal support. If your co-parent hires an aggressive divorce attorney, it’s crucial to stay level-headed and focus on a resolution-based approach.

Opting for a balanced attorney and implementing strategies like the Grey Rock Method or JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) can help diffuse conflict. Utilizing BestInterest, an AI-powered co-parenting app, can also reduce inflammatory communication, lowering the risk of legal battles.

The Benefits of Choosing a Balanced, Strategic Attorney

Focus on Resolution

A competent attorney prioritizes mediation and negotiation to reach amicable agreements, preventing unnecessary courtroom battles. Mediation can help resolve disputes more efficiently and at a lower cost compared to drawn-out litigation.

Cost-Effective Representation

Strategic attorneys work efficiently, avoiding unnecessary motions and court appearances, saving their clients thousands of dollars in legal fees. They understand that preserving assets rather than spending them on legal fees is in the best interests of the client.

Better Long-Term Outcomes

A level-headed attorney ensures that custody arrangements and co-parenting agreements support your child’s best interests rather than fueling ongoing legal disputes. A strategic lawyer will advocate for a custody agreement that supports stability for the children involved rather than using litigation as a tool to create leverage.

Adaptability

Even if your co-parent hires an aggressive bulldog lawyer, staying calm and strategic can ultimately work in your favor. Courts recognize reasonable behavior, and a track record of cooperation can improve custody rulings. While aggressive tactics may work in short bursts, they are less likely to lead to long-term positive outcomes in family law cases.

Choosing the Right Attorney: Key Considerations

When selecting a divorce attorney, consider the following:

Experience in Family Law: Choose an attorney well-versed in family law cases, including custody disputes, mediation, and litigation.
Approach to Conflict: Seek out lawyers known for problem-solving rather than creating unnecessary courtroom battles.
Communication Skills: Your attorney should keep you informed, listen to your concerns, and provide clear legal guidance.
Reputation: Research reviews, ask for recommendations, and consider attorneys who are respected within their legal community.
Attorney-Client Relationship: A good lawyer will build a collaborative relationship with their client, ensuring their needs are addressed with empathy and skill.

For more thoughts on choosing the right attorney, see this article.

Final Thoughts: Hire Wisely for Your Family Law Needs

Selecting the right attorney can influence your divorce case, custody battle, and financial well-being. While it might be tempting to hire a bulldog divorce attorney, an aggressive approach doesn’t mean better results. A strategic, level-headed attorney can help you achieve the best possible outcome while minimizing unnecessary legal conflict.

Consider seeking additional support through a co-parenting coach or therapist. Utilizing tools like the BestInterest co-parenting app can further reduce communication conflict, ultimately decreasing your legal fees and emotional stress.

By choosing wisely, you can protect your children, financial stability, and mental health while navigating the complexities of family law.

Additional Resources

ScaryMommy.com: You Can’t Co-Parent With A Toxic Ex, But You Can Do This Instead
Psychology Today: High-Conflict Coparenting: Strategies for Success
Divorce Magazine: How to Manage High-Conflict Coparenting
Stepfamily Foundation: Co-Parenting With a Narcissist
Verywell Family: Tips for Co-Parenting With a High-Conflict Ex

Psychology Today: High-Conflict Co-Parenting Strategies
Divorce Magazine: How to Manage High-Conflict Co-Parenting
Verywell Family: Tips for Co-Parenting With a Difficult Ex

Ready for less conflict?

The BestInterest co-parenting app is endorsed by family law experts and trusted by co-parents just like you.

Try it free today!

When navigating the tumultuous waters of family court, the attorney you choose can significantly impact the outcome of your case and your overall experience. Work long enough in the field and you discover that many people tend to select attorneys who mirror their own personalities over time, even if they don’t initially choose those bulldog attorneys in the beginning.

Many coparents initially opt for aggressive, “bulldog” lawyers, mistakenly believing they will fight harder for their interests, when in fact these lawyers universally favor their own interests. Time and again, this mistaken approach leads to unnecessary conflict, higher legal fees, and emotional distress. Your bull dog becomes a nightmare.

This article explores why a more balanced and strategic attorney is your best bet, even if your coparent initially opts for a more aggressive legal representation.

People Choose Lawyers Who Mirror Their Personalities

It’s natural for individuals to gravitate toward attorneys who share their demeanor and approach to conflict. If you’re someone who tends to confront issues head-on, or are willing to bend the rules a little bit, you might feel more comfortable with a lawyer who exhibits the same assertive qualities.

Conversely, those who are more reserved or good natured might prefer a lawyer who is calm and composed. This tendency is driven by the desire for alignment and the belief that a lawyer with a similar personality will better understand and advocate for your needs. It’s also often unconscious selection bias.

The Pitfalls of Choosing a Bull Dog Lawyer

Increased Conflict and Emotional Stress
Aggressive attorneys often escalate conflicts rather than resolve them, in ways that aren’t always apparent to those without legal training. This can lead to prolonged legal battles that are emotionally draining for all parties involved, especially the children.
Higher Legal Fees
This can quickly deplete your financial resources, leaving you with hefty legal bills. Bull dog lawyers are known for their relentless approach, which often translates to more hours billed. When fighting in court, you’re draining not just yours, but your coparent’s savings account, which can have long term implications for child support.
Potential for Abuse
An overly aggressive lawyer can end up turning their harsh tactics on you, making you feel pressured and manipulated. Many such attorneys are narcissistic and prey on the fears of their codependent clients.
Over-Litigation Recognized by Courts
Many family courts are starting to recognize and discourage over-litigation. Judges don’t favor bulldog attorneys and are increasingly wary of attorneys who create conflict to drive up their billing hours and may penalize such behavior, which can hurt your case and even lead to sanctions.
Bull Dog Lawyers Aren’t Usually Very Qualified
An attorney that markets themselves as a “bulldog” divorce or custody firm and uses aggressive bully tactics tend to not have very good reputations in their jurisdiction. Similar to a used car salesman, family lawyers who rely on these type of tactics is masking a marked level of incompetence in family law. They generally make more mistakes and rely on creating drama to distract from that.

High Conflict Coparenting: Navigating Aggressive Dynamics

High conflict coparenting often brings unique challenges that require deliberate strategies and thoughtful support. In these situations, an aggressive or manipulative coparent may escalate tensions, making even routine decisions feel fraught. The right resources and support systems, including a balanced attorney are essential in navigating such dynamics effectively.

Aggressive attorneys often mirror the confrontational style of high-conflict coparents, compounding stress and making resolution more elusive. This approach not only fuels legal battles but also prolongs emotional turmoil for everyone involved. Opting for a reasonable attorney and implementing strategies like the Grey Rock Method or JADE can help diffuse these conflicts while ensuring communication remains focused on the child’s best interests. By combining professional legal advice with tools that encourage constructive communication, coparents can reduce unnecessary tension and foster a more cooperative relationship, even in high-conflict scenarios.

For those navigating the complexities of high conflict coparenting, utilizing apps like BestInterest for Coparents, which filters inflammatory messages and promotes effective communication, can help reduce friction and protect emotional well-being. These tools, alongside strategic legal and therapeutic support, are vital for creating a more stable and manageable coparenting relationship.

The Benefits of Choosing a Balanced, Strategic Attorney

Focus on Resolution
A good attorney prioritizes finding solutions and reaching amicable agreements whenever possible. This approach not only reduces stress but also sets a positive tone for future coparenting interactions.
Cost-Effective Representation
Strategic attorneys work efficiently, keeping your costs in check by avoiding unnecessary motions and court appearances. They aim to resolve issues with minimal litigation, saving you money in the long run.
Long-Term Benefits
Maintaining a level-headed approach can help preserve relationships and facilitate better communication between coparents. This is especially important for the well-being of your children and your ability to coparent effectively in the future.
Adaptability
Even if your coparent chooses a “bulldog” lawyer, staying the course with a balanced attorney can ultimately work in your favor. Aggressive tactics often lose steam or run out of financial support, while your strategic approach can lead to more sustainable outcomes, and create a track record of reasonableness that can result in better outcomes over time.

Choosing the Right Attorney: Key Considerations

When selecting an attorney, consider the following:

Experience and Specialization: Choose an attorney who specializes in family law and has a proven track record of handling cases similar to yours.
Approach to Conflict: Look for lawyers who are known for their problem-solving skills and ability to negotiate fair settlements.
Communication: Your attorney should be someone who listens to your concerns, explains your options clearly, and keeps you informed throughout the process.
Reputation: Research potential attorneys’ reputations, including client reviews and any feedback from other legal professionals.

Selecting the right attorney in family court is a crucial decision that can affect the trajectory of your case and your emotional well-being. While it might be tempting to choose a “bulldog” lawyer who promises to fight fiercely on your behalf, this approach can lead to increased conflict, higher costs, and potential emotional harm.

Instead, opt for a balanced, strategic attorney who focuses on resolution and cost-effective representation. By doing so, you’ll be better positioned to achieve a fair outcome and maintain a healthier coparenting relationship.

We can do better as a culture, and call for family law reform to prevent state-funded legal abuse, but until then, making the right choice of attorneys can help you and all of us move towards a more peaceful coparenting future.

Another consideration that can reduce your costs is to hire a coparenting coach or a therapist to help you navigate the challenges with dealing with a high conflict custody case. These resources can help take the pressure off your own attorney, ensuring that you utilize them only for the most important matters. Further, utilizing the BestInterest app can help reduce communication conflict, resulting in less legal conflict in the first place.

Even if your coparent initially chooses an aggressive lawyer, staying the course with a reasonable approach will ultimately serve you and your children’s best interests. And as always, the BestInterest coparenting app can go a long way in reducing conflict between you and your coparent, and reducing legal fees.

Additional Resources

ScaryMommy.com: You Can’t Co-Parent With A Toxic Ex, But You Can Do This Instead
Psychology Today: High-Conflict Coparenting: Strategies for Success
Divorce Magazine: How to Manage High-Conflict Coparenting
Stepfamily Foundation: Co-Parenting With a Narcissist
Verywell Family: Tips for Co-Parenting With a High-Conflict Ex

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Should You Hire A “Bulldog” Attorney as Your Divorce Advocate?

People Choose Lawyers Who Mirror Their Personalities