Hello Fellow Coparent,

Discussing divorce with your children is never easy, but it’s an essential conversation. How you talk about it can vary greatly depending on their age. Here’s some advice on how to approach this discussion honestly and sensitively, tailored to different age groups.

Toddlers (Ages 1-3)

Keep it Simple: Use simple, clear language. Explain that mom and dad will be living in different houses, but both still love them very much.
Reassurance: Reassure them frequently. At this age, kids need to know they are loved and cared for by both parents.

Book Recommendation: Two Homes by Claire Masurel – A comforting book that reassures young children that they are loved by both parents, no matter where they live.

Preschoolers (Ages 3-5)

Basic Explanation: Explain the situation in terms they can understand. Avoid blaming or detailed explanations about the reasons for the divorce.
Address Changes: Talk about the changes they might see, like living in two different homes or spending weekends with one parent.

Book Recommendation: Standing on My Own Two Feet: A Child’s Affirmation of Love in the Midst of Divorce by Tamara Schmitz – This story helps reassure preschoolers of the unchanging love of both parents.

School-Age Children (Ages 6-12)

More Details: Provide a bit more detail while still avoiding blame or negative comments about the other parent.
Encourage Questions: They may have questions or misconceptions. Answer them honestly, keeping in mind their age and maturity level.

Book Recommendation: It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce by Vicki Lansky – A book that addresses the feelings and questions children may have during divorce.

Teenagers (Ages 13-18)

Open and Honest: Teens can handle more complex information. Be honest without sharing inappropriate details.
Discuss Changes: Talk about how the divorce will impact their daily life. Be ready for a range of emotions and reactions.

Book Recommendation: The Divorce Helpbook for Teens by Cynthia MacGregor – Offers support and guidance to teens who are coping with their parents’ divorce.

General Tips

Be Unified: If possible, have this conversation with both parents present. It shows a united front and that both parents are there for support.
Listen: Be ready to listen to their concerns and feelings. Validate their emotions.
Continuous Support: Ensure they know they can come to you with questions or feelings anytime.

Conclusion

Having an open, honest conversation about divorce with your children is key to helping them navigate this challenging time. Remember, every child is different, so tailor the conversation to their individual needs and personalities.