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Divorce Isn’t the End—It’s a Battlefield
If you’re in the middle of a high-conflict divorce, tangled in the court system, and fighting to protect your kids from a toxic relationship with your ex, you’re not alone. In a recent episode of Co-Parenting Beyond Conflict, I sat down with Lisa Johnson and Chris Barry, founders of Been There Got Out (BTGO), to talk about how they help people navigate the trenches of divorcing a narcissist or other toxic personality.
“Our clients often say, ‘My lawyer says this is the craziest case they’ve ever had.’ That’s the club we’re building.” – Lisa Johnson
Their journey—from emotionally gutted litigants to certified high-conflict divorce coach (Chris) and published case law pro se powerhouse (Lisa)—has given them not only deep empathy but sharp, actionable strategies. And now, through their courses, weekly legal abuse support group, and From Fear to Fierce program, they’re offering others what they never had: strategic guidance, real tools, and a way out.
The Reality of High-Conflict Divorce
High-conflict divorce cases aren’t like normal splits. These cases are emotionally draining, financially devastating, and legally complex—especially when your ex is a narcissist or otherwise abusive.
“Most of our clients have burned through their savings just trying to get to a custody agreement,” said Chris. “One of them was quoted $48,000 just for three days of trial prep. He had no choice but to go pro se.”
Lisa and Chris explained that representing yourself in court—called going “pro se” or “pro per”—often isn’t a choice. It’s a necessity. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Their coaching program helps people avoid common mistakes, document strategically, and stay as emotionally unscathed as possible.
“It’s a full-time job,” said Lisa. “You can’t treat court like it’s personal, even when it’s your whole life on the line.”
They emphasized the need to stay calm, focus on what judges actually care about (hint: not your ex’s diagnosis), and build a paper trail that speaks louder than emotions.
From Toxic Relationship to Tactical Strategy
Lisa and Chris didn’t just survive a toxic relationship—they developed the Been There Got Out system to help others reclaim their lives.
Their advice? Stop using your lawyer as your therapist. Stop sending emotional texts that could be used as evidence. And stop thinking logic will persuade your ex.
“When you write a logical message to your toxic ex,” said Chris, “they roll around in it. They know they’ve still got you. You have to stop writing for them—and start writing for the judge.”
That’s where their strategic communication model, FRAC, comes in. While many know about Bill Eddy’s BIFF model, Lisa and Chris have taken it further, offering step-by-step messaging guidance for parents navigating a co-parenting relationship with a hostile or narcissistic ex.
Co-Parenting with a Narcissist? Communication Is Key
“Strategic communication is the number one way people can start healing while still protecting their case,” said Lisa. “It turns hearsay into evidence. It documents patterns of behavior. And most importantly, it gets your ex out from squatting between your ears.”
That kind of co-parenting hell—where a single message can unravel your day—is common in high-conflict relationships. And for many, the biggest shift comes when they learn to view that chaos as useful documentation instead of personal attack.
Their clients go from “puddle to ninja” by shifting from reactive panic to strategic power.
Beyond Court: Healing, Parenting, and Taking Action
BTGO doesn’t just prepare clients for the courtroom. It helps them build their lives back.
“The toxic ex doesn’t go away. They just shift to controlling through money, kids, and the court,” said Chris. “That’s why we always recommend building your support team: a trauma-informed therapist, a solid attorney, and someone like us to help navigate everything in between.”
They’ve seen the damage done by bad therapists, uninformed lawyers, and broken family court systems. That’s why they now provide legal abuse support, guidance on writing high-conflict parenting plans, and practical advice for anyone suffering in or struggling to get out of a relationship with a narcissist.
Their upcoming book focuses on parental alienation—one of the most painful outcomes of legal abuse—and their coaching program walks clients through everything from initial custody battles to navigating a co-parenting relationship post-judgment.
BTGO’s Secret? A Strong Partnership
Chris and Lisa aren’t just business partners. They’re romantic partners too.
“I knew on our first date,” Lisa laughed. “We talked for hours and I thought—I’ve met the male version of me.”
Together, they’ve built an empire of empathy and efficiency. Lisa manages BTGO’s website and runs a vibrant Facebook page. Chris brings technical and financial expertise, and both bring lived experience.
Their Been There Got Out podcast, social media channels, and educational offerings are expanding fast—but the heart remains the same: help people protect their children, get out of a toxic relationship, and find real peace.
Conclusion: The Best Chance at a New Life
Lisa and Chris don’t pretend there’s a shortcut through a high-conflict divorce. But they do offer something better: a map, a compass, and company for the road.
“When you know what’s expected of you, when you know how to organize that information,” Chris said, “it calms you down. You have more confidence. You know what you’re doing.”
If you’re co-parenting with a narcissist or other toxic ex, battling through legal abuse, or trying to protect your children from emotional fallout, BTGO offers practical, professional support.
And if you’re looking for digital tools to support co-parenting communication and build your evidence base, BestInterest’s AI-powered messaging system can help filter out toxicity and protect your mental health—while strengthening your position in court.
You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s Lisa and Chris, a trauma-informed therapist, or tools like BestInterest, support is out there. You deserve peace. You deserve safety. And you deserve to get out.
Ready for less conflict? The BestInterest coparent app is endorsed by family law experts and trusted by coparents just like you.
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